How much fighting and arguing is normal?
It’s part of life: siblings argue, bicker and squabble. Even our favourite TV stars Bart and Lisa, Brother Bear and Sister Bear, and Carly and Spencer have had their moments. But how much is too much and what are the best ways to deal with this natural—yet annoying—part of parenthood?
“Sibling rivalry contributes to learning important life skills,” says Dr. Lila Amirali, a psychiatrist at The Montreal Children’s Hospital of the McGill University Health Centre. “These include learning to value another person's perspective, how to compromise and negotiate, and how to control aggressive impulses. But brothers and sisters are eight times more likely to get along than to fight.”
According to Dr. Amirali, there are many reasons siblings fight. Competition for parents’ attention is at the top of the list for causing rivalry, but other factors can be culprits too. As a child grows, they change. For example, as a toddler, sharing is not understood and as a teen, seeking independence and individuality is a top priority—two things that can lead to disruptions. As well, some children are more easily rattled than others, while some need more comforting and attention from parents, which can lead to resentment issues. The way parents resolve problems and disagreements sets a strong example for kids too. If partners are aggressive versus respectful in their problem solving, these bad habits may be adopted.
Although it may just be part of life, we all know it is not the most pleasant part. But there are ways to ease your way through these years: